Between the ages of 2-5 years, a child asks around **40,000 questions** on average, and this pattern of asking endless questions declines when he starts school.

Given this fact, Warren Berger has [raised an interesting question](https://amorebeautifulquestion.com/why-do-kids-ask-so-many-questions-but-more-importantly-why-do-they-stop/):

“Have the kids stopped asking questions because they have lost interest? Or have they lost interest because the rote answer-driven school system doesn’t allow them to ask enough questions?” 

To answer this question let's first see what their brains are up to when kids ask questions? 


Paul Hairs, a renowned Harvard child psychologist[ states that](https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1075045) questions are a tool for kids to feed their curiosity.
By asking questions kids make their own catalog of information & learn about the world.

[In an experiment](https://www.jstor.org/stable/30163594), Michele Chouniard (2007), a researcher & a psychologist, collected more than 200hrs recordings of four kids interacting with their caregivers.

**She learned that, with familiar adults at home, kids asked 1-3 questions per minute.**

After analyzing more than 25,000 questions Chouniard categorized questions into two types: 

## 1) Practical questions

- Asking for help (can you do this?)

- Permission ( Can I take a candy?)

- Clarification (What do you mean?)

## 2) Information gathering questions

About two-thirds of the questions were asked to gather information.

Most questions were FACTUAL, inquiring about:

- names (What’s that?),

- functionality (What’s this for?),

- location (Where is baba?),

- or actions (What are you doing?).


These simple factual questions dominate kids’ lives until they turn three.

### **Once turn three, kids ask explanation-seeking questions.**


 - Why can’t I eat candy?


 - How did God make us?


-  Why is the moon following us?


Paul says that, based on Chouinard’s data, it is assumed that if these four kids spent, on average an hour per day asking questions, their caregivers would have the opportunity to answer more than 20,000 explanation-seeking questions before their 5th birthday.

But these kids, who ask endless “Why” and “What if” questions, stop asking them as they navigate high school.

# What kills their curiosity?

Here are the potential reasons, Haris identified, that make kids ask fewer questions at school?


 👉 In a school setting a teacher surrounded by a dozen or more kids can not practically answer all questions by all kids thus fewer opportunities for dialogue.


 👉 The teacher doesn’t know the knowledge base of an individual child and it makes satisfactory answering more challenging.

 👉 Teachers tend to talk more than the child. Children are expected to listen.


 👉 Teachers ask more questions and the child’s primary role is to answer them. And most of the time teachers expect a specific answer, sometimes in vain and sometimes needlessly.

## What can we do nurture kids' questions?

Our responsibility as a parent or a teacher is to provide a supportive and nurturing environment where kids can ask questions without being judged and frowned upon.

Nurture their curiosity from their early tendency to ask questions and learn about the world.



Between the ages of 2-5 years, a child asks around 40,000 questions on average, and this pattern of asking endless questions declines when he starts school. Let's see why?

Why does kids' questioning drop off after age five?

Jafar turns three in a few months. He wants to watch the screen like all the other kids.
He watched a few videos on TV in our hotel room 2 months back when we were on a family trip. 
That was the first time I gave him supervised screen time, and he watched over an hour of bikes and cars over 3 days.


He is crazy about vehicles. He has toy cars, bikes, helicopters, and airplanes.

A  few days back, he watched a video of mountain bike racing and stunts, and with big open eyes, he was entirely lost on the screen.

“Jafar…” I called just to check if he was breathing
“Hunn..” he responded

While cutting the capsicum for pasta, with one eyeball I was continuously observing him and the other was jumping between the clock and the knife.

“Time is up, Jafar. Close the laptop.” I said to him.
“No, I want to watch more.” With eyes on the screen, he responded.
“We can not watch more. It is already more than 30 minutes.” I said in a firm voice.
“A little more mama” he insisted.
“No, close it or I will do it for you.”

Reluctantly, he closed the lid and moved on to something else.

**That night before sleeping he asked me to show him those bikes again. He kept insisting until I diverted him with a storybook.**

I’ve always been skeptical about toddlers and screen time. For me, it is none less than a slow digital poison, that kills [creativity](https://www.screenfreeparenting.com/screens-take-hold-childrens-creativity-decreases/), and [affects focus and attention span](https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-development/babies-screen-time). Research also suggests that too much screen time [affects children’s sleep, grades, behavior, and moods](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5839336/).

## Digital devices and their creators

It worries me more when I read that the big tech founders, smartphone designers, and social media creators don’t let their kids use the products they created or limit their usage.

**What do they know that their consumers don’t?**

In an [interview with Financial Times](https://www.businessinsider.com/evan-spiegel-miranda-kerr-screen-time-2018-12), Spiegel, the CEO of Snapchat said that they restrict their kids’ screen time to an hour and a half per week.

When Nick Bilton, a famous journalist, [asked Steve jobs](https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/11/fashion/steve-jobs-apple-was-a-low-tech-parent.html) if his kids love the iPad, Jobs replied "They haven't used it. We limit how much technology our kids use at home."

Nick mentions that most of the technologists and venture capitalists he has met say similar things: they not only restrict their kids' screen time but also monitor what they consume on the internet.

Nick goes on to say that many parents who work in tech do not allow a personal smartphone until their kids turn 14.

The Creator of Facebook, [Mark Zuckerberg doesn't allow his kids](https://video.foxnews.com/v/6095989196001#sp=show-clips) to passively consume videos. However, he lets his kids have video chats with their friends and family. He suggests that this kind of screen time where you interact with other human beings is good for you, with benefits such as feeling more connected with people you care about.

[Research](https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/is-social-media-good-for-you) also supports that social media benefits those who like to connect with others. But it negatively affects you when you start consuming mindlessly.

My heart sinks when I read all these stories and see every other kid glued to the screen. For us, giving a screen to stop a meltdown or tantrum is none less than giving a poison that silently kills our child’s natural ability to self-regulate and feel his emotions.

Being tech-savvy parents ourselves, where we both spend most of our time using laptops and the internet, it was challenging to keep our toddler screen-free in the first two years of his life.

## Here is how we did it 

### 1. Limiting mindless screen usage in front of him
Kids’ brains are like sponges, they absorb whatever they see in their surroundings. It is important to model the behavior you expect from your child. 
If he sees us watching something on mobile he joins. So we avoid mindlessly consuming content in front of him. Because avoiding the situation is easier than redirecting him.


### 2. Non-screen activities
**a) Book reading and storytelling** are life-saving. We have a good collection of age-appropriate books and read daily. It gives us a good amount of quality time to connect with each other and this activity ignites his imagination. He now likes to make and tell stories based on his observations and daily experiences.

**b) Toys that demand active participation** from children help kids improve their gross motor and cognitive skills, improve their attention span and provide them a little challenge. Puzzles, digital fishing, and wooden hammering toys are hit in our homes these days.

**c) Free and messy play** is Jafar’s favorite thing to do. Almost daily, he gets to make a mess with water, mud, or anything that is safe and fun for him. Set him free and forget him for at least half an hour.

### 3. Social Interaction
We try to provide him with a rich social experience where he meets and interacts with people from different walks of life. From grocery to park, religious places to family friends, he has fun with everyone.
He visits his grandmother and cousins for at least 1-2 hours daily and he literally waits for this part of the day when he can escape from the house. Deep inside I also eagerly wait for this as I get to recharge my battery meanwhile. 😁

## Current Challenge:
As Jafar is growing up he is becoming more independent and has choices and opinions. He observes other kids and adults around him watching TV or videos on mobile and sometimes, he joins them in my absence. I know that I won't be able to keep him screen-free for long. I can’t keep an eye on all his actions all the time.

Also, I am afraid that too much restriction might cause him to have unhealthy screen time in my absence and he might start lying to me about it.

So I've decided to introduce healthy screen time.

## Healthy screen time:
[The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry](https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Watching-TV-054.aspx) has a guideline on introducing healthy screen time to kids. It suggests parents carefully research content and then introduces it to the child. Parents should watch with kids and later have discussions on what they watched. Point out good behaviors and discuss what they learned. Instead of passive consumption, It will encourage children to reflect on what they consume.

[AACAP](https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Watching-TV-054.aspx#:~:text=Between%2018%20and%2024%20months,limit%20activities%20that%20include%20screens.) suggests 1hr of non-educational screen time for kids aged 2-5. But I’ve decided to enforce no more than 2-3 hrs of healthy screen time per week.
I’m experimenting based on his interests. Having a pre-decided plan or set of rules helps me craft a better experience for him.

## Resources:
Here are a few resources that I found helpful to enforce a healthy screen time for my son.

* [**Screen-free parenting**](https://www.screenfreeparenting.com/) 
A project that encourages and helps parents to raise screen-free or limited screen time kids till age 5.

* [ **Healthy screen habits:**
](https://www.healthyscreenhabits.org/tools)A nonprofit organization that empowers families to create healthy screen habits at home. It has a good collection of curated books, websites, articles, and podcasts to educate parents and caregivers.

## Final thoughts:
That night I got worried when Jafar insisted that I show him bikes again before sleeping. He slept but I couldn't.
“What if he got addicted to the screens like  other kids?” This thought made me anxious.

With rapidly increasing tech in our surroundings, this looks like a never-ending journey of struggle and experiments. Join me in this journey and share what you have learned during yours.



Why creators of digital devices do not let their kids use them? A detailed look into screen-time, its effects, and some tips on healthy screen time.

Hi, I am Aimen 👋🏻

Writer, Web Developer, and Digital Marketer

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